Excuse Me While I Vent 430

As I sit here sipping on this drink, I realize you can sell yourself dreams, and force yourself into believing you are something your not.  I also realize in this generation you can’t really say how you feel because more than likely you will be told your sensitive, or get out your feelings, leaving most situations unsolved.  Do you try your best to hold how you feel in because quite frankly society sees a man as weak when he expresses his feelings.  You put on that mask and be the person they want you to be.  All it takes is for that one person that knows you to break down that front. My mom came and visited a couple weeks ago and she just straight up told me ” you look so unhappy, lonely and unsatisfied.” I couldn’t even say nothing I just started reflecting on shyt.  It’s going on a year since I moved from Louisiana to Texas. So sometimes when you are out of your comfort zone, I guess I could see where she was coming from.  One thing is I gotta adjust to being alone most of the time. I was use to having my childhood friends and brothers around all the time so I didn’t have to worry about being to myself. My mom was in the other room. Now I feel like in still looking for my place in my new friends space. It’s hard when they don’t know how you are so they assume the wrong thing about you. Starting over is hard. The people that understand you most are no longer right there.  My profession as well as my demeanor is built on making others happy and making situations better.  I know I could be in a better place , and I put in more than what I get back.  Sometimes you focus so much on making everyone else happy that you don’t give yourself that same treatment.  Even harder to find people who does the same.  Ain’t it crazy how you can give everyone great advice but somehow you can’t follow your own ?  Don’t get me started on relationships.  It’s so hard to find someone these days. Who you want, wants somebody else and who wants you just ain’t for you.  The friend zone has never been more spacious. I own two vacation homes and a mansion in there.   Dating just a headache and Lowkey annoying, especially in this generation where women will go out with you for that free meal and drinks.  You try to be genuine with people, try and be honest, but in today’s world it’s all a game.  Who can you take serious anymore?  Then when you serious with them, they don’t take you serious because they use to the bull.  Then I realized, people are rude as hell, and ive adapted and become rude and petty myself just to survive. It’s hard when one side telling you “ignore it, just laugh” while you getting insulted and embarrassed.  Plus for some reason, women love these rude disrespectful men for some reason. I just don’t get it. Sometimes all this just makes me want to be to myself because hell face it, I feel alone even when I’m with people at times.  I wouldn’t say I’m sad, I just feel unsatisfied with things right now.  I’m always blessed. But I expect more from me and the people around me.   Maybe I need to reevaluate some things. Not expect much from people or keep trying to find my niche. I don’t know.I just got some thoughts in my head that have been there for a while. So I decided to write them down instead of ranting aloud to someone just for them to tell me I’m in feelings. I probably am … But hey … They’re mine

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Adgy says:

    Sometimes u just have to step back and chill (I had to). Cause sometimes u find yourself being someone your not.

    Like

  2. Justin Lamar says:

    To surround yourself with the right people you gave to be yourself. The facade wears away then you become happy and disappointed in who you are for it. It’s easy to appeal for the sake of being social and hard to ruffle feathers for the sake of being “real.” Get back in touch with who you are first then the right people will come to you

    Like

  3. rainawareness says:

    Did you mean… 420? Hyuk hyuk hyuk 😀

    Like

  4. itstoyaduhh says:

    Sometimes you find yourself when you are by yourself! Take this time to discover who you truly are and the man you’re becoming. Surround yourself with positive, genuine people who aren’t afraid to tell you the loving truth. Things have a way of working themselves out once we center ourselves and allow them. You’re a phenomenal man you just need to know it.

    Like

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