Dating 101: I Got Some Questions

“Stop making a relationship about what you get and start making it about what you give, for what you give is what you’ll get in return.”
― Rob Liano

When it comes to relationships these days, the rules of the game have certainly changed.  I’m a firm believer that dynamics of relationship depend on the two people in it, and there is no instruction manual on how to make it work.  But some things are just getting confusing when it comes to dating.  Being a single man in his 20s, Dating has so many new rules and regulations that just override what we were once told how to go about it.  I don’t know what to expect anymore, because with every person its something different.   Hell dating looks like relationships these days mainly because people seem to forget commitment exist these days.  More on that later, but America….. I have some questions mostly stemming from this question.   What happened to building the dynamics of a relationship? 

What Happen to Courting?

Courting, y’all don’t even know what the hell that means do you?  When was the last time you ever heard that word used in a sentence?  You probably haven’t and thats just the reality of today.  The younger you are, the more likely the act of courting is on your mind.  Courting is the act of pursuing someone with the sole goal of seeing if you are compatible for marriage.  Now I could give you the biblical definition of courting, but we all know aint nobody doing that these days.  That definition includes no touching, no kissing, and definitely no sex, before marriage.  Naw we will go ahead and talk about the modern age term and just leave the restrictions to no sex.  That one restriction is one main reason, courting does not exist today.  In all honesty most people won’t like the restrictions that courting places on the fun parts of relationships.  It maybe is too traditional for this generation.  It is a public acknowledgement, and we all know that we  love to hide who we are involved with until its OFFICIAL.  Courting is solely taking your time to get to know one person at a time, and we all know how short Millennial’s intention spans are.  The man takes the lead.  Now we all know how independent women these days can be, and many don’t believe that the man should take the lead and it should be a shared experience.  Also Men these days aren’t attempting to take the lead.  Courting has some aspects of dating I believe are important, but to find someone who truly abides by it, will be hard.

What Happen to Dating exclusively?

Now days it seems we never get to this stage.  Of course with dating casual it is meant to weigh your options and get a feel for the type of person you like.  But are we ever moving past that dating stage?  Part of the problem is we never really know what we want, or we never know what we have when its right in front of us.  We tend to rule out everything when someone is not perfect. And I know we all have preferences and we like what we like, but sometimes what we like don’t like us.  Also that commitment word is a very scary word from some.  We don’t want to waste our time with a possible failure, so we continue to drag on and carry these people on for as long as possible. Are we really that afraid and hurt from our past to commit to one person.   And why are these people still around?  Well sometimes with casual dating, comes casual benefits.  Many of these times people don’t know that their dating is only intended for this reason.  People are dishonest with their motives and continue to carry people along for the ride.  Yet some people know and want more hoping change will come soon.  Why would we commit to one person, when we are enjoying that single life getting relationship benefits from multiple people?  Which leads to my next two questions.

What Happened to Leaving Room for Imagination?

With all those benefits and fun and sex, why would I commit?  Why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free? I don’t know anyone who is buying cows these days, but that saying is pretty true.  We are giving so much to people without commitment and the end goal of marriage, that many see no reason to commit.  This doesn’t apply to everyone, but some people can lose interest real quick when you show all your tricks to multiple people  with minimum work required.  Whats left to look forward too? Whats special about something everyone has access too?  Now casual sex sometimes is a phase that many people go through, and thats life, but when do you get tired of that? What can you build with flings and one night stands in the long run?  Or is this simply to fulfill desires until the right person comes along.  Can you really find what you want in life, with so many distractions deterring you from your ultimate goal?  Sex with someone your dating exclusively can be healthier and more beneficial to you in the long run.  Usually those relationships are built on more than just sex, and the trust and commitment are their because sacrifices were made to establish this growing relationship. Speaking of sacrifice….

What Happened to Sacrifice?

This is my biggest question for today, what happen to sacrifice.  (Nerd moment coming up) In one of my favorite anime of all time, Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, There was a running quote that went with the theme of the show. ” The law of equivalent exchange states, that in order to gain something great, something of equal value must be lost.”  We don’t letting go a damn thing, and we definitely don’t want to lose things.  It seems we can’t sacrifice our past joys to gain something we claim we want.  Sacrifice is one of the greatest and most meaningful ways to tell someone that you are serious about them, and its something that needs to be seen before a decision can be made.  People these days will have multiple partners, living a life that shows they are single and yet will claim that they want to be exclusive with someone else.  We don’t want to give up these sidelines, or we don’t want to slow down our wild life styles.  We don’t want to show that we can move on to greater things instead of holding on to the things that make us comfortable.   Why can’t we sacrifice time and sleep out of our busy schedules to spend time with the person we claim we want, but we can sacrifice time and sleep to bust a nut.  People these days just don’t match their actions with their words, and are selling dreams with no stock on the shelves.

So I guess I answered my own questions, but still I’m left confused as to why it is so hard to date these days.  Why is it so hard to sacrifice and why is it so hard to commit.  Maybe we are still in the ” I’m just chilling and doing me phase” and it pans out longer than expected.  Who knows?  Relationships, and marriage isn’t for everyone, but for the people who claim it is, their actions show they aren’t ready yet, and thats fine.  But remember that the more unready you are entertaining someone who is, the more damage you are contributing to yourself and that other person.  Lets date responsibly.  Lets be honest with ourselves and the people we are involved with.  If casual sex is the game, let it be known so the decision can be made by both people.  Whatever works for you make sure it truly works with the person involved.  Maybe that is the new secret to dating?  Making sure whoever you are involved with is comfortable with the situation you are in. but what do I know? I’m just a single guy with an opinion……

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. esquiregq says:

    Yeah most of the time people are afraid to say what their true intentions are. If they stated them from the beginning I’m sure they would have less problems down the road

    Like

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