“We Just Talking”

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Love, relationships, and companionships.  These are needs, desires that we all require to complete us.  We all want to be made whole.  We want that trust, we want that security and we want someone to be willing to give as well as receive when forming bonds. However, this generation more than ever before, is scared of hurt and failure. We don’t wanna let go of our freedom just in case we wasting our time with a person we are interested in. This leads us to hold back, stay heavily guarded, and accept things we normally wouldn’t.  Have you ever felt like you were “talking” to someone and it seemed to be going nowhere.  After asking several people what their definitions of “Talking” is, I realized, this term leads us not into relationships, but delivers us into Situationships.

I’m sure we all know what Situationships are, or we have all been in one.  Funny how people try to make sense of situationships with poor definitions like the picture that floats around the internet stating ” a bond is better than a title?” Yeah, that pretty much sums up .. We just talking/situationship. In my opinion, that might be the dumbest excuse for not wanting a title that I have ever heard next to ” Id rather not give us a title and ruin what we have.”  So what are the downfalls to “just talking?”  I mean no restrictions, no nagging, I can’t see how there is a problem.  But one downfall is what are you to that person? Titles identify who you are to the world and most importantly to the people you have a bond with.  Lacking a title causes confusion on both parties.  I know that I would wonder what am I to you, who will I be to you, and what does our future hold?  You might have a mutual agreement that you are just talking, but what rules or respect do you apply to your “bond without a title”.   Well how can you be loyal to someone who you have no real idea where you stand with this person?   Many times you are not the only one trying to be the only one, and you end up being a “Team Player”.

These type of relationships lead to a set of problems that most of us are familiar with.  When you are just talking to someone, It’s an insurance policy to turn the tide in your favor when you mess up or want to move on.  What people don’t realize about situationships is that they have at least two or three key components that tell you where your future with someone is headed.

1. You will notice that there is a lack of commitment to you, and many other things. With no title, I can swiftly tell you that we not together when you question me about something.  I have heard too many times, ” well we not official so I can talk to who I please, and hangout with who I want, and you really have no room to get mad.”  Sadly this phrase has some truth to it.

2. There will be feelings of no obligation in the relationship.  It’s all fun and dandy until you want someone to feel obligated to provide you with security, loyalty and anything else your heart desires.  Just talking falsely establishes that all those things exist, and ultimately is the reason for a lot of heartbreak and trust issues.

3. Situationships will show a lack of responsibility.  People feel no need to be responsible for the other person’s feelings.   It’s a pretty selfish situation, because each person will continue to do what they need to do to keep themselves happy and to keep their situation going in their favor.

4. Accountability for actions will not be in effect here.  This goes back to everything else I stated above.  Why be accountable for my actions to  someone I have no obligations to “Officially”.  The we talking, we not official card will always be played when things begin to turn sour, and one does not want to take the blame for the situation at hand.

I truly believe the main reason these type of situations exist because, we are simply afraid to give our all to someone.  We don’t won’t to let go of our boos,and other connections, because we don’t want to sacrifice all of that just for it to fail.    We can talk to who we want while we continue to drag the other person along for the emotional ride.  We don’t want to put the work in for a relationship.  We want to keep in the Sex, dates, cuddling, and hanging out, but leave out the obligation, responsibility, commitment, and accountability that goes into a relationship.  A true relationship is hard work and sacrifice, and many of us are too selfish to sacrifice the quantity of many, for the quality of one.  Now some situationships eventually evolve into a true relationship, but why put yourself through that stress, drama and psychological damaging lifestyle?  In my opinion, this talking stage kind of damages how a relationship can grow.  What happened to dating and getting to know people without giving them relationship treatment before you are committed to them?   That’s why some say ” Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”  All in all, I understand that you should watch who you commit yourself to, but one won’t know love if you don’t take that risk and not settle for less.  Its life to get hurt, but time heals all wounds, and teaches you lessons so that you will grow stronger with each life experience.  So next time you find yourself in a situationship, take into consideration that it comes with even more confusion and drama than a commitment.

 

 

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Paul March says:

    “Just Talking” to me I believe is the phase in which you get to know someone before dating. However, some people never let their relationships progress due to insecurity and selfishness and stay in this phase for prolonged periods of time. In my opinion relationships without titles are emotionally and physically unhealthy. they leave room for doubt and insecurities to grow and they leave room for one to have other sexual partners outside of just you. A relationship without a title is just consented sex. There are no obligations to care about ones feelings nor to provide, care for, or shelter the other person.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Blu Satire says:

      I agree with everything you said Paul Relstionships without titles are very unhealthy

      Like

  2. Delilah says:

    Great Article! I believe that the term “talking” has been misused so much that people tend to forget about dating, courting, and taking the right steps for a relationship. Too many people also like saying “What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained” without even understanding the type of situation that they are in. Emotions and no boundaries are a bad mix.

    Like

    1. Blu Satire says:

      Agreed ! Delilah !

      Like

  3. Deric Gainer says:

    I must say that this article speaks volumes. I have been in situationships and it’s no fun. I think many people rush into things without asking questions of intent. Then feelings get involved and things just go haywire after that.

    Like

    1. Blu Satire says:

      I agree ! Thank you for reafing and comnenting

      Like

  4. Tyshun says:

    Love love love the article.

    I think situationships are a way for people to feel better about what they are doing. I’ve heard people refer to their marriage as a situationship, because they are cheating on their husband/wife. People sometimes consider themselves in a “situation ” because they are “talking” to too many individuals at once.

    It seems like people start off “talking” to one another, and when feelings get involved, it becomes a “situation.”
    People no longer want to commit. They will talk to 10 different people and find themselves stuck in multiple situations. BUT, they won’t ever be in a relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Khira says:

    I told you before but this is so accurate. Situationships are really the absence of accountability! You hit it dead on when you mentioned people technically not being “obligated” in these things. “Talking” isn’t fun when clarity needs to come into the picture. Anyway, I Loved it!!!

    Like

  6. Kish says:

    “Talking” is just a cowardly way of avoiding commitment. Honestly you will probably notice their lack of commitment in other areas of their life too if you pay close attention. If you are not building a bond with someone for the purpose of moving toward permanency then honestly you’re wasting both of your time because it WILL end (unless you’re not interested in permanency). I can’t even say that people are “talking” these days anyway. It’s more texting and DMs than verbal conversations that require a provision of time. I also believe that with “talking” someone is destined to eventually want more. When you’re giving a person everything you would normally give in a relationship it reasonably follows that an expectation of commitment will blossom. Titles aren’t just for the people involved. They also define boundaries for people outside the relationship (i.e. Not flirting with someone’s wife/husband).

    Like

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