“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that many people enter into a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way your relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place you go to take” Anthony Robbins
In this day and age do you ever get that feeling that relationships don’t last? Is it because the value of a relationship has gone down? Or is it because monogamy is overrated and fun is what we seek? It seems that this generation and the culture seem to veer away from traditional dating and relationships and many believe that they don’t last. There are plenty of reasons that relationships don’t last, but here are 5 of my reasons why:
1. Communication Issues
One of the main things that deteriorate the chemistry of a relationship is the lack of communication between partners. Now I have touched on communication issues in a separate blog which you can check out here https://blusatire.com/2014/07/23/who-detached-us. Lack of communication is more than just verbal issues, it is the connection that sends messages to your partner, whether they be positive or negative. One thing I don’t understand, is when someone has a problem, we tell everybody but the person who is the cause of the problem. Is it fear of what may come of your honesty? Or maybe it is just you trying not to start anymore drama in order to preserve your relationship. Either way, the problem still exist and if your partner does not know it exist, how can it be fixed? That leads to more resentment, more harbored feelings, and a problem that will probably get worse as you continue to let it slide. Also if you want to know something, please ask and don’t assume, because jumping to conclusions can often lead to more trouble, and lack of trust. Another communication issue that will taint a relationship, is the lack of honesty, and yes not telling someone how you really feel is lying. That lie that you told to preserve your relationship will continue to grow in your hopes that your relationship won’t be over, but in reality you’re just adding more fuel to the fire, and eventually you won’t be able to put it out. If you have made a commitment to someone, honesty is the best policy, as a lie can eliminate any trust that your partner may have for you. A lie has speed, but the truth has endurance. With communication, comes an understanding. It is the key to Enhancing a mental, physical, spiritual, and intimate relationship ( Yes Sex is communication, but we ain’t gonna talk about that).
2. Outside Influences
Since we just touched on communication, what happens when we communicate with those on the outside of our relationship looking in. We love taking those usies, and posting them on Instagram with the “caught bae slipping” caption. Or we just know it ain’t official until you tell the world on Facebook. Oh but don’t let someone put heart eyes under his/her picture, now its all out war. Now we telling our homegirls/homies how you tired of this and that, or tweeting your emotions to the world and we know who you are talking about cause you just uploaded 30 pictures of you and your “bae”. But the problem doesn’t come from just spreading what you saying or being on social networks ( We all know we like to blame social media for our failed relationships). No its you letting outside parties, like social media and friends, influence your emotions, actions, and beliefs. You scoped out on your significant others page trying to see who is talking to them, making you angry and mistrusting in the process, and if your partner is messing over you or your homegirl/homie is telling you how to run YOUR relationship is nothing but bad news. Yes people flirt, and get caught up over these social media sites, but guess what? That’s an Example of that person letting outside influences destroy that person’s relationship. Social media isn’t the reason for your pain and turmoil. It is an extension of you, and what you do or say can influence real life if you let it. And our friends aren’t always the best people to go to with your problems. They will almost always have your back in the situation and never give you advice from an unbiased viewpoint, and what help will that give you to understand both sides of the situation? Advice is, just that, advice. It doesn’t mean you gotta take it. There is nothing wrong with expressing yourself on social media or listening to others advice, but you have to remember that those are outside forces who do nothing for your relationship but be a spectator. They do not know the feelings, emotions or dynamics of your relationship, and only you are an expert in that category. ( Remember I’m just giving advice here.)
3.Lack of Spontaneity/Commitment
It’s that Honeymoon phase, where everything just clicks and a smile is always on both faces. You both are showing each other new things, getting to know each other in ways you never knew before. Everything is going fine in your relationship, that is until someone just happens to get a little bit too comfortable. Things aren’t the same anymore, instead of going out, all you do is “chill”. It’s the same ol same ol everyday, and effort just happens to disappear. People nowadays get bored and fed up way too quickly for you to decide to be lazy and boring in your relationship. And with a combination of those first two reasons I listed above, that’s how cheaters or failed relationships are born. You have to be committed not only in being loyal and faithful, but also committed to making your relationship work. If its broke, fix it and be dedicated and happy to do it. You have to keep things fresh and new in relationships and have that same drive that you had when you were making attempts to cuff her. Let that person know you appreciate them, and that you will always be the one fighting for their heart. Lack of a spark in a relationship can kill that attraction real quick, and they will seek it some place else. They will see that lack of commitment and grow tired of it. You have to give your partner something to look forward to in the future. The less interested person is in you, the faster you grow apart.
4. Settling vs Compromising
To some settling and compromising mean the same exact thing, but to others settling is the negative brother of the two. Some people tend to think that they have settled for less. Those people, will never be completely happy with what they have. There will always be some sort of bitterness or resentment in the relationship, that one partner may not even notice outright. When you feel that you have settled, it’s like you are saying that you are better than the person you are with, but i couldn’t find what was right for me. Now that’s one aspect of settling that could kill a relationships vibe, but lets talk about when people feel that they won’t settle for anything, and fail to realize the importance of compromising. Compromising means that two people have “bargained” so to say in a way to keep both people happy in the relationship, while sacrificing in the process. I think people these days are either too afraid or too selfish, to even think of compromising a situation with their significant other because they don’t want to “settle for less” and give up their independent actions or beliefs. What people fail to realize is, that everyone is not the same and in order to preserve a relationship, you have to do things you don’t want to do. That’s not settling for less, that a sacrifice. When you compromise it shows that you care enough to make your partner happy and it also shows that you can come together from your differences and make it something that you both agree on. And as far as settling goes, if you are happy with someone who may not be everything you dreamed of, but is everything you needed, how can you call that settling?
5. Old Baggage
“Bag Lady, you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that.” Erykah Badu said it best, and one main reason that we can’t find success in our relationship, is that we are still stuck in the past relationships and failures. And of course it’s not just the women who can’t let those bags go, men definitely share an equal problem with the ladies on baggage. It’s kind of hard to say, ” don’t let your past determine your future”, because we all know that it does in some ways. The problem is, we don’t know which parts to keep and which parts to forgive and forget. Many people struggle with the concept of forgiveness and many have let it drag them down to the depths of sorrow and bitterness and pure anger. Many can say, ” I’m over my ex and i have moved on, but many still let that hurt affect how they act today. Now by all means am I saying totally forget your past, because the past is the blueprint to your future. Pain and disappointment are ultimate learning tools, if you use them correctly. But some people bring that past hurt into the new relationship and will constantly compare the two relationships. People do not like being prejudged or compared to the last person and they definitely don’t want to be the blame for what people did to you before them. And some will say ” i don’t treat men different, I just changed my ways and I won’t fall for that anymore.” That’s all fine and dandy until you change for the worse and not the better. Baggage doesn’t have to be just what the last person did to you, it can also be what reaction and changes you made to yourself influenced by the old baggage. Nothing is worse than person becoming the same person that hurt them. I say this everyday “Hurt people, Hurt people” and the cycle continues. Don’t become the person you hate, stay true to yourself and don’t let the next person suffer for what the last person did, because at the end of the day, your only hurting yourself and your future. “I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to, is you, oh yes its true”
Those are five of many reasons why relationships fail. I have plenty more reasons which i will cover in future blogs. With relationships, come great responsibility, and we are responsible for our own actions and the consequences that follow. You have to remember that in a relationship your actions affect not just you but your partner too! What are some reasons you feel relationships fail? What do you disagree or disagree on in this blog? feel free to comment below.